Well this morning I woke and I didn’t really have any cravings. At long last it seems the cravings have diminished to just a slight worry rather than mind-bending anxiety. It’s taken nearly two months to get here. I was starting to run out of things to take my mind off smoking however I have discovered a great distraction that I think I could market and eventually sell as a quit smoking aid. My youngest son! I’m pretty sure he asks lots of questions as part of a strategy of being deliberately annoying. So I’ve started to listen to him and play him at his own game. It became apparent very early on that he didn’t care about any of the answers I gave to his relentless queries about animals, drinks, the weather, other children’s parents, food, gravity, the solar system. I’m pretty sure he sees the barrage of questions as a form of antagonistic sport. But I didn’t let him know how irritating I was finding it all. In fact the whole disturbing interaction is great for taking my mind off my anxiety.
The trick is in realizing that these questions are not a natural consequence of innocent childish curiosity. My son is not in any way interested in the world or my comments and opinions about it. He just wants to do my head in and suck it dry like a tiny parasite. I asked him if he was a parasite and he replied “What’s a parasite? Is it like a parachute? Or is it more like a parrot? Do parrots live in trees? Is wood from Trees? Are trees a type of building?”
I gave up playing his game. I’m pretty sure he can keep this shit going longer than I can stay sober!