Mind control!

Well the trip to the zoo has seriously backfired. The kids enjoyed it immensely and now have a list of things they would like to do during half-term. I didn’t expect this to happen, this is serious! I was thoroughly stressed out the entire time. Normally days out have been curtailed by a tearful disagreement over who has which flavour ice lolly but this never happened. The kids seemed to genuinely enjoy themselves. The wife was smiling gleefully throughout the entire day like we were no longer a thoroughly dysfunctional family. She seems to be under the impression that I am a reformed character intent on being a good father who is preoccupied with healthy family based excursions. All I’ve done is give up smoking and drinking I haven’t been reprogrammed by MI5!

So there goes all the money I have so far saved from giving up smoking. The wife has gone and mentioned the Hawk Conservancy and falconry centre to one of the boys who has gone ape shit crazy about it. He loves the idea and has gone and told his teacher and friends all about it. So that’s that then, I have no idea how I’m getting out of that one. Basically I’ll have to drive 3 hours to a medium security bird prison staffed by alcoholic former stage actors dressed as Tudor noblemen. I’m not even sure I could depart from what dignity I have left to dress up like that. There’s a limit to just how fun this can be. I had no idea that giving up smoking would carry this level of responsibility!

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